Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger is preparing to embark on one of his quinquennial searches for a centre-back. It’s a dirty job – he’d rather be shopping for another wily midfield schemer or forward with blistering pace who doesn’t score half as many goals as he should – but someone’s got to do it. Ron Vlaar of Aston Villa is top of his list, but he might be going to Manchester United, so Celtic central defender and Thunderbirds/Mary Poppins mash-up Virgil van Dijk will suffice.
Manchester United are still after Juventus midfielder Arturo Vidal, who regular MBM readers may recall doing the following last season against Real Madrid: “Vidal bursts into the Juve area down the right, then goes to cross. He swings his right boot at the ball – but takes up a football-sized lump of turf instead, then falls over his legs and on to his face! That’s straight out of the slapstick handbook written by Chaplin, Keaton and Lloyd! The size of that divot! He has the chutzpah to claim a penalty, too.” Admittedly this is not particularly representative of the excellent Chilean’s oeuvre, but United are spending so much money on top-notch talent these days, it’s only fair that everyone else retains a little hope for the future.
Ah, hold on, we probably needn’t have bothered jumping through that particular hoop. It appears Manchester United are going to re-sign former defensive prodigy Ryan Shawcross from Stoke City. [Rumour Mill adjusts glasses, holds paper a bit further from face, tilts it towards the light and back again] Yep, Ryan Shawcross.
And Guus Hiddink, the former European Cup winner who has taken three separate nations to the semi-final stage of a major championship, is a clown now apparently, Holland having just lost a game to in-form Iceland. So that’s him likely for the off. Ronald Koeman is the preferred choice to retrieve the situation. Should he accept the challenge, his time at Southampton will have been brief enough to make Steve Wigley’s reign look like the combined careers of Sir Alex Ferguson and Valeriy Lobanovskyi.
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